


Mssr. Padfoot

by CheekyTorah



Series: Wolfstar Addiction [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: DO NOT COPY, Do not repost, Don’t Copy, Don’t Repost, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-08-23 15:10:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20244880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheekyTorah/pseuds/CheekyTorah
Summary: One choice changes everything...





	1. Halloween

The trees shivered and the wind cried with agony late one night on Church Lane in Godric’s Hollow, a normally quiet, peaceful little town. The night was eerily dark except for the horrible symbol in the sky which cast a sinister glow over the house it floated above. The home of a future hero.

Sirius Black ran down the street, tears flowing down his face, screaming words of denial as he neared the house. The door was ajar giving him the view of his best friends limp form just inside. The mark, he know what it meant. The people inside were dead. His family. Everything he loved, gone.

He could see the glow of apparating forms arriving, and with a determined mind he aparated away. He saw red, anger seeping into his blood, he knew only one thing: he would kill the spy scum responsible for this heinous crime. Tears still poured down his face, unable to stop them he wiped furiously at his cheeks as he made his way to the flat.

He had never beaten someone so badly, to the point of death, and he was glad to do it. His own justice. A bang on the door distracted him. Suddenly the murderer was gone; Sirius, himself, was dragged away, wand taken, beaten, spit on and told what a no good piece of garbage he was. It wasn’t long before he was thrown into the prison cells over black water and under skies full of cloaked devil creatures designed to suck every good memory from his pathetic existence. He was left to rot, starve, and go mad. The only promise was that these walls would be the last thing he ever saw.


	2. Year's Too Late - Part I

He wasn't much of a person anymore, not with all the pain, torture and years in a place worse than hell. He was far too thin, his once beautiful hair was disgusting and overgrown. His face sunken from starvation and his skin a sickly colour from a lack of sun.

The few moments he'd have free of the soul-sucking torment from the evil magical creatures that filled the skies over Azkaban, he would force himself to keep the memories of his friends fresh and alive. Laughing, talking and talking with James, teasing Peter but always standing up for him when it mattered. Remus. 

There was so much of him filled with Remus. Swirling images of quiet moments of them laying in Remus’ bed talking about life, their families, the future. The moment Remus kissed him and Sirius, who was terrified of screwing up the best part of his life, running away. Remus finding Sirius the following day and begging them to be friends, to not let what he had done get between them. How both angry and relieved he was. Then the following full (in a sudden spasm of anger at himself, Remus and Severus Snape and, of course, stupidity) Sirius had destroyed everything. He told Snape about the passage to the shrieking shack and the knob to stop the whomping willow long enough to go through. Luckily he told James before anything terrible happened, but the damage was done.

His friends wouldn't talk to him, Peter was shocked, James absolutely furious and they had the worst row they had ever had. James had called him a true Black heir then. The worst of course had been Remus. Remus looked completely enraged, miserable but mostly betrayed. No amount of begging, tears of shame or kneeling at his feet with apologies pouring from Sirius’ mouth worked. Remus had nothing left in him, and he had never fully trusted Sirius after that. 

The guilt of this ran true, if he hadn't been so rash in these actions James would have chosen him as the secret keeper and therefore Peter's betrayal wouldn't have resulted in James and Lily's death. Sirius wouldn't have gone after him to kill the disgusting excuse of a man and Sirius wouldn't be in Azkaban. 

It all came down to his stupid fear. His fear of love, abandonment, rejection, loneliness. He wanted to blame Walburga for not being a proper mum. For leaving him empty and broken. For destroying any chance of him being a normal person with normal reactions and feelings. Or, he could blame Orion, for not showing him what a good man should be, for not having the decency to be a proper role model. He could blame all sorts of people, and maybe he would have...10...12...15… However many years its been. 

He had been keeping as best count as he could but over time the lines etched in the wall marked memories tainted rather than days. Time was a concept lost in torture and pain. The only thing he could hold onto was the few memories he had kept close enough the detectors couldn't reach them. An unexpected kiss, heart to hearts behind closed curtains, showing up bloody and broken at the Potters and being accepted with loving arms, laughter with the marauders and Quidditch with James. 

It kept him holding on, till he could manage a way out, escape this hell and find his godson.

To make amends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is finished and I will be updating it weekly!


	3. The Memory

He hadn’t meant for it to happen. He hadn’t meant to attack the man with his lips. He hadn’t meant to almost ruin their friendship, but Remus had felt something. A spark he had thought was reciprocated. The memory played over in his head.

They were in Sirius’ bed, curtains drawn around them, the other boys sleeping soundly. Sirius was laughing and teasing Remus about his blue jumper or some book he was reading, he couldn’t quite remember. Their fingers brushed every so often, and Sirius’ eyes were sparkling. His lips curled into sexy smirks, his hair falling into his eyes every so often.

Remus was tingling all over and the tunnel vision he had when it came to Sirius Black unnerved him. Sirius turned to look at him a cheeky look in his eyes as he teased Remus again and winked. Remus couldn’t help it. What was Sirius thinking, being so beautiful and winking like that. He had to know how he affected Remus.

Remus moved forward slowly, eyes searching Sirius’ face. Looking for rejection, a sign he should stop. Their lips almost touching he paused, then Sirius closed his eyes as if to say yes, kiss me. Remus pressed his lips against his best friend’s, and for moments they stayed that way, mouths just pressed together, unmoving. Sirius moved first, deepening the kiss which was all Remus needed, his hands found themselves in Sirius’ long brown hair pulling him closer and the two fell down on to the bed. Lips parted, tongues dancing together, breath mingling. This was right, so incredibly right.

Until it wasn’t. Sirius pulled away first, a look of sudden shock on his face. Then he was scrambling away on the bed, fell off the other side and bolted from the room. He left Remus surprised, hurt and sad still sitting, with swollen lips, on Sirius’ bed.

Remus crawled into his own bed. His eyes, betraying him, allowed big wet tears to flow down his cheeks in silence. He pulled the covers over his head and shook miserably, willing sleep to come. It didn’t. Sirius didn’t come back that night either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did the memory of this in Remus’ POV because I thought it an important moment not just for Sirius but for Remus too


	4. Years Too Late Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update. It’s been finished for some time, I just forgot to update I apologize!

He had done it. Sirius had proved his innocence to his godson and to Remus. Harry and his little witch friend saved him from being sentenced to the kiss of death.

The first place he had gone was to Moony’s steps. He knocked over and over for hours, knowing the stubborn git was in there but was refusing to come to the door.

In the end, Sirius became Padfoot and slept on the grass waiting for Remus to open the bloody door. He didn’t. Padfoot heard the familiar crack of disapparation and the potent smell of his Moony–even outside the house Padfoot could smell it–was replaced by only his lingering smell. Pouting, Padfoot left the yard and found the Hippogriff in the nearby woods. Once again in his human form, he mounted the creature and they headed back to Scotland.

He had been offered to work with the Order along side Snivellus, Mad-Eye and Moony but since feeling hurt that Remus wouldn’t see him he refused to leave the cave he found on the outskirts of Hogwarts. There he could at least feel like he was close to the only family who seemed to care for him.

Remus.

His mind was so full of the man, for years he had romantisized their friendship. He had held onto some irrational hope that Remus would be waiting for him when he finally got out of Azkaban. They had hugged tightly in the shack, so why ignore Sirius now? Was he that haggard and ugly now? Probably, the years of torture and starvation had not done his body any favours.

Months passed, Harry had come to visit him, more like yell at him really. Then Remus appeared in the mouth of the cave, looking at him with such…pity? Sadness? He couldn’t be sure. He said not a thing as he sat beside Sirius at the fire. The two men just stared into the fire for what seemed like forever. Really Sirius hated the silence, he hadn’t spoken to other humans for 12 years, so the deafening silence around real human beings made his skin itch like bugs under his skin, burrowing and crawling their way out of tiny pores.

“Why are you here, Remus?” His tone came out harsher than he meant and he immediately regretted the biting tone. “I…I’m sorry…I just don’t know why you are here, you wouldn’t talk to me before. Why now?”

“Erm…” Remus rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Really, Sirius, you didn’t have to hide out here. I needed more than a day process…everything. You living in a cave, rather a rash decision don’t you think?”

Sirius took a deep breath.

“I’m nothing if not who I am,” Sirius grinned, glanced at Remus and then busied his hands with poking the perfectly large fire. “Took you long enough to come out here though.”

They fell silent, the snap and cracks of the fire the only sound other than the animals in the forbidden forest.

“I’m sorry, Sirius. For not believing in you, for thinking you could,” Remus’ voice cracked.

“If not for my bloody stupid actions in school, you would have trusted me. If not for my own idiocy you would have been the secret keeper. It comes down to me, Moony. You’ve nothing to apologize for,” Sirius stared intently into the fire. It was the same thing he had told himself for years, it had been his own fault. He was rash, and stupid. He didn’t think before he did things. If he had only been less of a prat maybe James and Lily would still be alive.

Remus stared at Sirius’ angular face, clenching his jaw in frustration. He stood suddenly and barked orders at Sirius. “Get up, we are getting out of this filthy place. You need a proper meal, some decent clothes and Merlin, Sirius, when did you last shower?”

Sirius smiled sadly but followed Remus out of the cave, clutched his arm and the two appeared in front of Grimmauld Place moments later. Entering into his parents’ home was terrible. He knew it was empty and now belonged to him, but the memories of his horrid childhood seeped out of the walls and appeared before him as if happening in the present moment.

The carpet of the sitting room where he was beat until bloody, the wooden floor of the study where he was Crucio’d for joining Gryffindor House, the kitchen where he had been hexed for refusing to marry one of his horrid cousins. The Floo he had tumbled in to escape Orion beating him almost to death, screaming James Potter’s. He remembered falling out of their Floo interrupting a family game of some kind, James screaming for Fleamont to help him carry Sirius to the couch. The tears in James eyes.

Remus gripped Sirius’ shoulder, seeing the torment that likely painted his face upon entering the house. He pulled Sirius through to the large table, and called for Kreacher.

“Filthy half breed, calling Kreacher.” He muttered. “Kreacher do nothing for you.”

“Kreacher, you vile thing, make us dinner, and never call Remus that ever again!” Sirius glared and yelled at the house-elf.

The elf seemed taken aback by Sirius Blacks presence and snapped away in a hurry.

“Have a shower, I’ll find a way to entertain myself in the meantime.” Remus smirked.


	5. Could Never Measure Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my Sirius Loving heart ❤️

Sirius spent far longer in the shower than he had intended, but it had been an extremely long time since he had gotten a nice hot shower. He even soaked in the tub for a time as well. There was some shampoos, conditioners and soaps around which he used happily. An hour passed and he stepped out of the shower, slightly pink skinned from scrubbing the grime away. He stood in front of the mirror, poking at his too thin body, pulling at his wildly grow out hair, pulling at his aging face. When had he gotten old?

He shaved the horrible beard and trimmed his hair but still the face that looked back at him was almost a stranger. He wasn’t the attractive bloke he used to be, the man who stared back at him was damaged, haunted and ugly. 

“As good as it’s ever going to get,” he said to himself and sighed.

“Got That right,” the enchanted mirror said back.

“Sod off!” He growled at the useless piece of glass and stormed into his old room.

Gryffindor colours decorated the walls, the bed and the floor. His old muggle magazines lay open on the bed, likely left from when he had been there 15 years prior. The posters on the wall still stuck there from charms he had perfected as a child. He glared at his room, he glared at the meaningless trinkets and pictures, he glared at the house and the memories it holds. He would give anything to have James and, of course, Lily back. 

He hated himself for resenting her, for the brief moments he wished she hadn’t taken him away from Sirius. For not giving her more love, she deserved so much more. He hated himself for so many things. He pulled on some tight black jeans and a red dress shirt. Topped with a black blazer with gold trim. At one point it would have been more fitted, but he was a ghost of the man he once was so it hung a bit loose over his shoulders and chest.

He bounded down the stairs, appearing in the kitchen where food littered the table. The impossibly large table was filled with all of Sirius’ favourites. Remus sat at the end with a book in his hand and glasses perched on his nose. 

Remus, though as old as Sirius, didn’t have the sunken face, or the impossibly thin frame of a starving man. He was still all arms and legs and thin, but his hair sat curly on his head, he had a nice green jumper, and he was clean shaven. He did have new scars and he looked impossibly exhausted but that could have been from the recent full moon. 

The two exchanged pleasantries while Sirius ate a hearty meal but Remus only picked at the food on his plate. After they sent a message to Dumbledore that Sirius would be joining their cause. Finally they sat in the sitting room in silence neither one knowing what to do or say so they sat, Remus had his book and Sirius picked at the carpet fringe.

“I’m sorry I ran away.” Sirius spoke at last.

“I ignored you and left you to sit on my lawn all day, so I’m sorry too.” Remus said simply not even looking up from the page.

“No, Remus. I’m sorry for running away that night in the dorm. Also for not at least telling you why.”

Remus froze, Sirius could see him tense and stare at his page more intensely, gulp loudly and then peer up at him. 

“That was a long time ago, Pads. I don’t think it matters now.”

Sirius stared back at the floor his hands shaking. Of course it didn’t matter to him, he hadn’t been trapped in a cell with nothing but him, James, Lily, Harry and Peter to think about for 12 years. He hadn’t spent the past year thinking about how royally he had screwed up one of the best things he had in his life to the point they wouldn’t even see him again. No, Remus obviously didn’t hold Sirius inside his heart in the same way that Sirius held him.

That revelation stung, and he felt his eyes burned with the need to cry but he bit it back as best he could. He had tears in his eyes, but they wouldn’t fall, Thank Merlin, as he looked up sadly at Remus.

“You’re probably right, moonbeam.”


	6. Tears Of A Broken Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little POV switch up here

Remus continued to stare at Sirius. Moonbeam. He hadn’t called him that since they were 16, laying in their beds talking about, well everything. Now this adult version of him sat with tears in his eyes, trying to apologize for something that happened over a decade ago. Sirius was never great at hiding anything he felt, it was usually all over his face or hidden quite obviously behind either anger or jokes. But you could always see it on his face. 

Remus knew what dementors did to a person, how they would torture with memories and make someone feel they were less than dirt. He figured the poor man had been beating himself up over many things over the years, though Remus didn’t think that would have been one of them. 

He lay the book down, pulled off his reading glasses, leaned his elbows on his knees and looked down at Sirius folded up on the carpet. 

“I should think you’d have more important things to apologize for. A mistaken kiss in the dark of night doesn’t quite compare to almost getting Snape killed, and me arrested for being a murderer, now does it?” 

He had meant it as a joke, he really did. He even smirked and chuckled as if to encourage joking about their ridiculous history, to make light of it and show the man it was all in the past and forgiven but it seemed to only further hurt Sirius.

“I know, alright? I’m a total screw up. I just make everything worse. I get it!” Sirius barked at him. He tugged hard on a loose thread in the carpet fraying the old fabric.

Remus sighed and ran his hand over his face slowly. 

“Sirius Black. I’m not mad anymore. I forgave you years ago. Why you ran off that night doesn’t matter, just like why you decided to send Snape down on a full moon doesn’t matter. It’s in the very distant past, and I don’t want to fight with you anymore so can we just leave it there?”

He knelt to the ground and looked at his old friend, a man who looked so handsome and open, but so unhappy and frail at the same time. This was still Sirius, a more damaged and unhealthy version but it was the same arrogant yet unsure boy who needed love and attention. Craved it really, but pretended he didn’t. 

Sirius looked up at him. His eyes bore into Remus. And through the tears of a broken man, Remus saw something he hadn’t seen in years. A nervous sort of desire and love. The same thing he thought he saw all those years ago, that which drove him to doing the thing that had pulled them apart. Remus clenched his jaw and looked away, the look in Sirius’ eyes still made his stomach clench and his chest tighten. That was impossible, of course, it had been years. But he couldn’t deny it. Though he knew that even if he felt something, it had been obvious then what the answer was and he wouldn’t put himself through it again. 

“I should go,” he stood quickly, grabbed his glasses and made to leave. 

A hand shot out and grabbed his arm. Remus shut his eyes, begging himself not to do what he wanted desperately to do, or to tell himself what he wanted wasn’t happening so he had to stop getting his hopes up.

Lips pressed against his. They were thin, chapped and trembled something horrible, but they were on his, and they belonged to Sirius. His Sirius. He shouldn’t be such a weak man, shouldn't so easily melt into a puddle for a man who has so easily hurt him in the past, shouldn’t be letting him reel Remus back in because of loneliness or boredom. He shouldn’t, but he did. Who was Remus kidding, when it came to Sirius, all logic and self preservation went out the window. 

“If you run away again, I really won’t forgive you this time,” Remus whispered, eyes still closed his voice breaking with pent up emotion.

“I’m not letting you go, even if it kills me,” Sirius murmured.

Then Sirius’ hands cupped his face and gave him a searing, breathtaking kiss. Remus slid his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled the shorter man flush against him. This is what he had been waiting for, years of wanting and wishing. For someone who Remus didn’t think he’d ever see again, and now he had Sirius in his arms.


	7. One Blissful Year

It was late one night, when Dumbledore called upon the Order to head to the Department of Mysteries. Remus was readying to leave with Tonks and the others when Sirius burst into the room.

“Was anyone going to tell me my godson was in danger, or just invite me to the funeral after?”

“Sirius, I’m sure he is fine, we are going to go get him and his friends and get out of there before anything even happens.” Remus tried to reason with him, but He ought to have known better. 

Nothing could get between Sirius Black and his godson. 

“Padfoot, you have to stay behind! This is dangerous, for you especially, you can’t go parading into the Ministry! They will arrest you on sight,” Remus begged Sirius to stay behind.

“It’s not happening.”

“Potter saw you being killed by Voldemort you stupid mutt, you go there and you will die!” Alastor growled.

“I have the upper hand then, I know what’s coming so I am prepared. We are going,” Sirius snarled looking at Remus fiercely, “Together.”

Remus sighed, he attempted more arguing but Sirius simply pointed out that they were wasting precious time arguing and not acting. Unable to sway him, Remus gripped Sirius’ arm and allowed Sirius to side-along while he aparate them to the Death Chamber in the Department of Mysteries. 

Death Eaters were everywhere, Sirius bolted for Lucius Malfoy, the one going after Harry. The room was a blur of curses and hexes flying through the air, Death Eaters and Order members both getting injuries. He was dueling with Lucius, Harry by his side reminding him so much of James. He battled a few different people, followers of Voldemort, till I began to fight his loveliest, and most deranged cousin Bellatrix. It was a good battle, she was strong. She had always been strong, Sirius could appreciate that. 

He stumbled and began to fall, the last thing he saw was his godsons confused expression. Then he was with by James, Lily and Regulus. The world was incredibly bright and clean.

To call what Remus and Sirius had blissful was not exactly correct, but it was more than Sirius ever thought he would have. They bickered, they fought, they stormed out on each other and would go hours stewing on their anger. Yet despite this, they were happy. They were in love. Remus completed Sirius, made him whole and sane. Together they fixed their broken pieces with tape and glue, holding each other together. As often as they fought horribly, they would shag fabulously. As often as they yelled about their anxieties and fears, they spoke words of love, kindness and respect. It wasn’t perfect, but they didn’t want perfect. 

The only hope Sirius had in death was that his Moony would find a way to love as passionately again. That Harry would be safe and loved in a family like Sirius himself had been. 

In death, the war was a distant memory, and Sirius Black could finally be with James again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s it folks, I know it’s not a happily ever after story, and idk why I put myself through this, let alone the world 😭
> 
> It was hard to write but I got through it. Now I’ll never write their tragic love again. I promise 
> 
> Thank you to Chemical_Pixie for being my dedicated and patient Beta through out this piece ❤️ You made my brain a better place to be.
> 
> Xx

**Author's Note:**

> This was probably the hardest thing to ever write. It's already complete, I'll be uploading over the next few weeks. One or two uploads a week I think.  
Thank you for reading!  
Please leave Kudos, they truly make my day ❤️


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